These days I’m waffling. And I don’t mean I’m making waffles. Although that’s sound like a great idea.
I mean that I waffle between best case and worse case scenarios. The ups and downs of my thoughts are crazier than those predictive coronavirus charts!
One minute my brain says “ok, yay, we’ve got a good handle on this thing.” Then my mind flips to “nothing is EVER going to be the same again!”
I waffle because I don’t know what is going to happen. So I ponder the good and the bad. I speculate. I get happy. I speculate. I get overwhelmed. I hear good news. I hear bad news. The thoughts do not settle! I cannot make up my mind — am I going to trust God whether or not this gets worse or better? Yes I want toooooooo, but those darn waffling thoughts continue!
I can’t make up my mind. Even in my prayers I waffle. One minute I’m praying, “Thank You, Lord for Your goodness. You are using this coronavirus to teach me to think more seriously about the plight of others and to pray more urgently. It’s made me more grateful for good health and it’s helped me to be a more loving human. It’s helped me slow down and seize the moment. It’s bringing out the best in many people. Thank You, Lord for this using this interesting time to be alive” And then…Boom! out of no where my mind flips to the other side, I cry out, “Lord, help me. I don’t want to be stuck here. People are in a mess. Everyone will get this virus and many will die. Also, Lord, the economy is crumbling. The healthcare system is about to be overrun. Martial law is inevitable. We’re all going bankrupt. Help Lord, Help! It’s too much! We’re drowning.”
That was quick honest look into my waffling, mind-unsettled prayers these days.
Colby is coming home tomorrow. His year on campus at Auburn is over. Mary Kathryn had reached the place in her cosmetology training that almost everything was hands-on, real-life learning, but now she’ll have to gain experience and skills through the challenge of remote learning. Public schools are closed. We hope they’ll open. We do not know. I hope to have surgery on May 1st. Can it happen? I do not know. The church is scattered. It’s still strong but it’s not meeting together.
We don’t know when it will be okay to gather again. One moment, I enjoy the pause. Then, I get stressed over the unknown length of the hard pause from the former normal life we had. It’s strange, isn’t it? The days are odd and uncomfortable. Plan B becomes Plan C, etc. Things change with each tick of the clock. Therefore, I waffle and waffling gets wearisome.
Do you? Do you waffle too? Do you catch yourself thinking “whew, we’re doing much better than projected” only to watch the nightly news and quickly revert to “yikes, this thing may go on and on!”
If you’re waffling like I am, at least we’re in good company. The Bible records some people whose thoughts seem to waffle from the worst thing (paraphrasing here: Lord, I hate everything, just kill all my enemies!) to the best thing (still paraphrasing: I love You, Lord. You’re the best. You are my everything!) They waffled. We waffle. But should we?
David (in the Bible) is one of my favorite wafflers. Although his life demonstrated that he believed in the forgiveness and faithfulness of God there are times that in his writings, he reflects some waffling. He says in one sentence, “O Lord, how long will You forget me? Forever? How long will You look the other way?” That’s how David starts Psalm 13:1. But then he finishes that chapter (Chapter 13) with this “I trust in Your unfailing love, I will rejoice because You have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because He is good to me.” (Psalm 13: 1, 5-6).
Also look at Psalm 69. David starts off with, “Save me, O God, for the floodwaters are up to my neck. Deeper and deeper I sink into the mire; I can’t find a foothold. I am in deep water, and the floods overwhelm me. I am exhausted from crying for help; my throat is parched. My eyes are swollen with weeping waiting for my God to help me.” He sounds like someone who is down in the depths of sadness – overwhelmed with life’s heaviness. BUT yet, continue reading further…”Answer my prayers, O Lord, for Your unfailing love is wonderful. Take care of me, for Your mercy is so plentiful.”(v.16). Even when he is overwhelmed, he knows that his thoughts should be focused on God’s love and mercy!
My prayer as I write this: Lord, Help my waffling thoughts to always conclude with focusing on YOUR goodness, Your love, and Your mercy!
The author of Psalm 42 and 43 seems to fuss at himself for his waffling. He says,”Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise Him again — my Savior and my God! He says those words in Psalm 42:11 and again in Psalm 43:5.
I think it’s okay to waffle, wonder, and worry just a bit. These are unsettling times. BUT I want to spend more time praying for people, praising the Lord for His goodness, and participating in a life that spends more time eating waffles and less time having waffling thoughts.
Fix your thoughts on whatever is yummy and syrupy, and buttery, and toasty…
Noooo I’m just kidding. Those are some waffling thoughts that are probably not harmful to your mental health, (heehee) but here’s the best thing for you to think on…
“fix your on thoughts what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4: 8
Hang in there my thought-waffling friends. It will get better or maybe it won’t, yet. But better or worse — I’m making up my mind to think about the Lord’s goodness, His love, His grace, and His mercy. He is worthy of our thoughts!
#amwriting #coronavirusdays #coronavirusdaze #focusonHim #wafflingthoughts #settlemymindLord
